"My sexuality still matters and deserves healing, whether single or in a relationship again."
A Surviving Purity Culture Interview on Dating and Sexuality After the Death of Your Spouse
Welcome to Surviving Purity Culture, a mini-series of interviews with purity culture survivors and diverse experts. These are the full-length transcripts1 of the interviews I conducted for my book, Recovering from Purity Culture.
Community check-in: How is everyone doing this week? I considered postponing the series this week, but decided to proceed so we can all try to get back to some normalcy. And this work still matters. Your recovery from purity culture matters. It is an act of resistance and peacemaking. So, honor the pace of your body. Take time to grieve. Try a grounding practice for hope in times of despair, if you need it. And let’s continue walking the path forward together.
Today’s interview is with Emily on dating and sexuality after the death of your spouse. Trigger warning: Although not described in detail, this interview does mention an experience of sexual assault. Here is a line-up of this Mini-Series.
Experts:
Brittany Broaddus-Smith, a Christian sexologist: Purity Culture's Effects on Black Women
Bridget Eileen Rivera, an activist and author: Purity Culture’s Effects on Queer Christians
Sarah McDugal, an advocate and coach: How to Recognize Unhealthy or Abusive Relationships
Survivors’ Stories:
“Carrie”: prolonged singleness
“Nicole”: divorce and marital rape
Emily: dating and reconstructing your sexual ethic after the death of your spouse
“Elizabeth”: dating and your sexual ethic after divorce
Alisha: abusive marriage and remarriage after divorce
Hanna: vaginismus in marriage
Emily is a 40-year-old mother of two (a son and daughter) who lives in the Pacific Northwest. We connected on IG when Emily always left insightful comments or DMs to my posts! I knew she was widowed and I wanted to include the perspective of how you figure out your beliefs about sexuality when you’re no longer married.
Five years ago, Emily lost her husband unexpectedly to a heart attack. Emily found herself as a 35-year-old widow who had been married 12 years with two school-age kids. Along with grappling with this tragic loss of her husband, then this shocking news, Emily also began deconstructing (then reconstructing) her faith and sexual ethic.
Emily’s interview was truly one of my favorites because of her wisdom and brave vulnerability. Her interview includes themes of parenting, feeling worthless after a sexual assault, the church’s response to her assault, infertility, and then dating, deconstructing her faith, and reconstructing her sexuality after her husband’s death. She was so insightful that I will let her speak for herself below, and then end with my commentary and thoughts afterwards.
In order to protect both the women’s stories and the material in my book, this mini-series will only be available to paid subscribers or members of my launch team. You can subscribe for $5 per month or $50 per year and support my writing. When you subscribe, you get access to all the previous paid posts as well!