Faith Practices When You're Deconstructing
Finding nourishing and life-giving spiritual practices in the midst of deconstruction
Welcome back to our summer series on Faith After Deconstruction. Today we are talking about navigating church and faith practices when you’re deconstructing, or rethinking your faith. I also share a Mind-Body practice to help you pay attention to how a spiritual practice feels in your mind, heart, body, and soul.
If you missed any of the past posts in this series, here they are:
June 6: Faith After Deconstruction
June 13: The Middle Path Will Cost You (full post for paid subscribers)
June 27: “You haven’t deconstructed enough.” (paid subscribers)
And here is the content plan for this month:
Today: Faith Practices When You're Deconstructing
July 11: Why We Left Our Church (paid subscribers)
July 18: Relationship Status With Church: It’s Complicated (paid subscribers)
Faith Practices
When you’re deconstructing, it can feel painful, frustrating, or disingenuous to engage in the same spiritual practices you used to enjoy.
What if prayer doesn’t feel comforting right now?
What if reading devotionals or Christian living books makes you want to throw them across the room?
What if a worship song that used to fill you with peace now brings a sense of emptiness?
I remember the time a client told me she could no longer listen to or sing the song “Good, Good Father” at church. While she used to enjoy that song, God no longer felt like a good father. The words felt empty, meaningless, even rubbing in her wounds.
My advice when I am working with Faith Reconstruction Coaching clients is to not force yourself to engage in any faith practice that doesn’t feel good to you right now.
I know this goes counter to all the evangelical advice you’ve heard your whole life.
It’s a relationship.
You’re supposed to be disciplined.
Faith without works is dead.
You get out of it what you put into it.
I get it. I’ve heard that too. And, right now, I am giving you permission (and I urge you to give yourself permission because you don’t need mine) to step away from these faith practices, at least for now, in order to allow yourself time and space to heal.
It’s the same advice I give my clients who have vaginismus or sexual pain. Don’t push through the pain. Stop attempting penetration. It doesn’t mean you’ll never have sex again. It just means for now, you’re giving your body time and space to heal. In the meantime, while you are pursuing treatment for your pain, focus on sexual intimacy that is enjoyable, comfortable and pleasurable.
So for our faith practices, what does feel nourishing, life-giving, and comforting? Is there perhaps a breath prayer you can borrow? A meditation that brings some peace? A song that doesn’t make you want to throw up?
Examine why you do each faith practice and ask, Is it still serving you? Use the Mind-Body Practice at the end of this post to pay attention to your body and emotions.
Navigating Church
When it comes to making church decisions, everyone may be at a different place in deconstruction.
From the “Healing Your Faith” chapter in my book, Recovering from Purity Culture:
Some people choose to lean into their church, even if they don’t agree with all the church’s beliefs or practices… Some might stay in their church to try to make changes internally. Others may find it necessary to step away from or take a break from organized religion for a time. Some people decide not to return; they find community in other ways. But many Christians find flourishing in safe faith-based spaces. A change of denomination or type of church can be a cleansing breath to the Christian who is suffocating in high-control religion.1
Again, give yourself permission to step away from church for now if you need that space. Pay attention to your body again, your reasons for going or not going to church, and ask yourself, Is going to church bringing me closer to God and connecting me to my spirituality, or is it hurting this connection?
In our live meeting for paid Substack subscribers next month, I’ll give an in-depth workshop, with time for discussion and Q&A, on navigating faith practices and leaving or finding a church. You can join at the paid level for just $5 per month to get access.
Mind-Body Practice
Pick a spiritual practice that you want to try or re-engage in (breath prayers, meditation, going to church, Examen prayer, reading a theology book, etc.). Choose one that you want to try, not one you think you should do.
Pay attention to what thoughts you have about this practice. Notice any judgmental thoughts (I should want to do this; A good Christian does this; This is wrong/sinful) and allow them to come and go.
Bring attention to your body. Do you notice your heart beating or chest getting tight? Flutters in your stomach? Headaches, brain fog, or zoning out? See if you can breathe through these sensations and use your hands (bring hands to chest, for example), breath, or movement to support this sensation until it loosens or subsides.
Notice what emotions you have. Do your physical sensations point to a feeling of nervousness or anxiety? Dread or excitement? Curiosity or shame? Does it trigger guilt or peace? See if you can validate that feeling (see the Tools for the Journey for validation in my book, Chapter 4) and feel warmth toward it.
If the body sensations or emotions continue to be strong, do not force the spiritual practice. Accept where you are right now, validate it, and know that you can come back and try again later. (See the tool for acceptance and change in my book, Chapter 8).
If the feelings have softened, proceed with the spiritual practice. Bring curiosity, openness, and nonjudgment to the practice. Notice your thoughts, feelings, and body during and after you engage in the practice. If you notice positive feelings of calm, peace, connectedness, etc. then you might continue to engage in this practice. If you notice negative feelings, follow Step 4 above.
What spiritual practices do you enjoy right now? Where are you when it comes to navigating church while you are deconstructing?
Have a friend who is also deconstructing their faith? Invite them to join us here on the Middle Path.
Warmly, Dr. Camden
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Recovering from Purity Culture, chap. 8.
I actually don’t know which spiritual practices I full enjoy right now. I’ll dip my toe into reading the Bible, sometimes sing praise songs (I used to always sing and lead worship) and go to church (but sit in another room where we livestream the service). I find it difficult to do all of those things whole-heartedly right now. Singing some praise songs just hurts my heart and makes my cry-haven’t explored that fully yet. Plus, I work at my church so I can’t really take a break from that, lol, and they have been kind to me.
"What if a worship song that used to fill you with peace now brings a sense of emptiness?". Yeeees. I just mentioned this exact thing to my SD last month. It can be a lonely and unsettling. Onward, still seeking God, but one tiny step at a time.